The strange part. I've made peace (as much as I can) with the idea of not running for a while. What is frustrating and exhausting is the inability to use my hands for much. Take for instance opening doors. I have to juggle the crutches into one hand and hopefully push with the other. That is if I can get my angle just right. I'm currently learning the limitations of what it means to try to push a door open and put my hip into it as well. Graceful I'm not. I've never claimed to be, but damn. This is clumsiness to the nth degree.
What have I learned thus far?
- I can reallocate my running time into my writing time.
- That the thought of swimming seems 10 times more hassle than running even though both require I leave my home and return to get a shower.
- To be creative with my daily work tasks like washing my cups and such.
- To stop being ashamed at the clunking my waterbottle makes as I hobble over to the sink.
- That friends encourage, acquaintances care and strangers extend their hearts in a myriad of ways.
- To be humble as I slink over to Mike's cube to ask him to help me with my morning cup of coffee. As a friend said today, "you learn to figure out what's really important." And you better believe it that my morning cup of coffee (or tea) is on that list.
- My kids aren't nearly as independent as I had hoped at this point. (Is it too much to ask them to wash the dishes, too?)
- That folding laundry while sitting on my bed isn't as bad as I thought it might be.
- I'm a lunatic when it comes to running. The bug has bit me hard and it won't let go. I will be out on the race course again.
- To be grateful for the smallest, kindest acts. Such as today. I was struggling down the stairs and a very kind co-worker (whom I never met before) not only held the door for me, he patiently waited till I got myself rearranged after going down three stairs.
- I work in a damn big building, that the elevators are an eternity away and the bathrooms even further.
- That I (when on two feet) am normally a speed demon - racing from this meeting to that or this printer to that ice machine.
- That being patient with myself is a real challenge. Perhaps the most difficult lesson. I am not patient. I am not kind to myself. I am not satisfied with supposed failure.
- I truly truly truly rely on running as a stress relief and that I'm at a total loss to find a substitute while I'm motoring around on one foot.
- I'm stronger (physically) than I realized. For which I am tremendously grateful. I can't imagine trying to get around on crutches without some semblance of upper body strength (thank goodness I did push ups!)
- That while I think I can do this all on my own - I really can't.
- I'm blessed with people who love me, who care for and about me, who want the best for me, who aren't afraid to throw that mirror in my face and say take it easy, who help me find that stress relief no matter how small or seemingly impossible.
- I still have goals, that it isn't the end of the world and that when under extreme pressure, I can adjust. Never accept. Adjust.
I've learned a lot. And I will continue to do so. While Run. Write. Dream. BE. isn't necessarily translating the way I envisioned. I believe wholeheartedly that it is translating. Perhaps Run is not physical. Perhaps Write is not viewable. Perhaps Dream is not mental. Perhaps BE is not what I understand. Perhaps. Just perhaps. There is some scrambling that needs to occur. Run becomes mental. Write becomes understandable, and so on and so forth. Regardless, I'm growing. And well, isn't that the whole point of a New Year's Resolution?