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"Live life in such a way that every day when your feet hit the floor the devil says 'OH SHIT SHE'S UP!'"

Sunday, August 12, 2012


"I'm standing at the edge of another precipice of life..."

A line from Paula Cole's song Pearl. By chance it came up on my iPod the other day. By chance I desperately needed to hear it.

"I will look for strength within
I will be a better woman
Hang in there baby, I'm the grain of sand
Becoming a pearl."

You see what I thought was stress management - well it clearly wasn't. How do I know? Well the indicator came straight to me through the form of shingles. Yes, shingles. The illness that 'old people' get. The one that I swore would never happen a) because I already had chicken pox and b) well, I'm handling life in the best possible way.

Wrong. And very Wrong.

When I stop to think about it, I can see the flaws in my belief system. Thinking that running was handling that work at stress and that I had my work load properly prioritized to avoid extraneous stress.  Ha. Such a fool. And that's truly how I feel. Foolish.

Of course I felt all the myriad of other emotions too. Anger, guilt, resentment, frustration, confusion as to how this happened, etc. etc. etc. I allowed myself one day of feeling sorry for myself. The day that the doctor diagnosed me. That was it.

I am extremely lucky. It was a small breakout and I've responded very well to the medication. But. But there are two risk factors that frankly scared the shit out of me. 1) My chance for recurrence is markedly higher now. 2) There is a remote (albeit extremely remote) that I would have pain for the rest of my life. Again the latter seems unlikely in that my outbreak is minimal. But still. I can't ignore that - what if #1 happens, would #2 be more likely then?

The doctor and I discussed at length the chance of recurrence. Silly me thought it was like chicken pox - one and done. Au contraire. I am at risk for multiple outbreaks over the course of my life now. She explained that if I am trending toward that then I would be a candidate for the vaccine. I told her "well I guess my goal is to not have to call you up asking for that vaccine." She said, "that sounds like a perfectly good goal to me."

And thus now I'm here - at a precipice. My life has to change. Drastically. Immediately. Permanently. I attribute this outbreak to about 97.5% being work-related. As strange as it sounds, I don't want to quit Starbucks. I truly believe it is where I am meant to be - at least for the foreseeable future. But what I do for them, now that is what needs to change. I need to eliminate a very difficult portion of my workload. Difficult in that it continuously and constantly creates unnecessary work, extreme frustration and an overall sense of failure.

I am actively working on a plan with my manager. He and I will collaborate to address this particular area and move ahead into a healthier and more productive work environment. I do admit I have not exactly been the best at communicating needs or asking for help (gasp!) - not one of my strong points. Dammit, I can do it myself (ah yes, a familiar and favorite line of Ms. Heather Lee Cleary.)

Perhaps you are asking (or have been all along) just why would she publish something so personal and sort of embarrassing? I learned some time ago that it is best to share uncomfortable situations either to give someone else solace or possibly to prevent someone else from going down that same road.

I consider this a warning sign. It could have been far worse, right? I would normally say that it is a chance for me to right the course, but think about it. That course sent me into the doctor's office. This necessitates a change of direction. Perhaps not quite a 180 degree change, but a change nonetheless. I admit that from time to time I still shake my head and wonder how this could have happened. The 'how' doesn't matter - at all. It is the 'what' that is critical. What am I going to do? What am I going to change? What will no longer be part of my life? What will now be a part of my life?

Stay tuned... and for goodness sake, please make sure you evaluate your own method of stress management. I'm not and never will be the poster child for proper stress management. But I can be that beacon for you to change your direction as well.

I started with a Paula Cole song quote. I think it appropriate to end with one too.

From Me.
"I am walking on the bridge
I am over the water and I'm scared as hell.
But I know there's something better.
Yes, I know there's something better.
Yes I know. Yes I know. Yes I know."

Thursday, July 5, 2012

SPQ - BE in the moment.

Dare I write twice in one week? Gasp! That could only mean one thing - I am on vacation. Yes. Yes I am. Thankfully. Sleeping in. Some sunshine. Quiet surroundings.
I am resting and resetting. Life has become so chaotic and utterly insane, there were days where I even forgot my first name.
I was able to read and am happy to say, complete a book. (Granted I started it in May, but hey - I finished. Yes, Amy B. & Julie G. I finished the latest SPQ installment!) For you non-SPQ fans out there, SPQ is the Jill Conner Browne non-fiction and insanely hi-larious series: The Sweet Potato Queens. [Trust me: You just have to read it to understand the whole gist of it. I guarantee you won't regret it.]
Anyway. The Queen herownself wrote 'nother book: "Fat Is the New 30: The Sweet Potato Queens' Guide to Coping with (the crappy parts of) Life." [Again, trust me on this one...]
While she is the Queen of humorous writing, she does get down to the icky part of life and reality. I apologize here and now- I'm totally going to ruin the ending for you. I was so struck by it, that well, I have to share and have to write about it. Here goes:
   "If you keep one foot in yesterday and one foot in tomorrow ALL you can DO is make a very unfortunate mess all over today. And today is all ANY-body has ever got. Let go of yesterday, quit worrying about tomorrow - grab hold of today and get your money's worth out of it. See if you can make only NEW mistakes today and be grateful for the goodness of the moment."
~ Jill Conner Browne

Yes. Breathe. Is it just me or does that lend itself very well to the BEing part of my New Year's Resolution? Halfway through the year. Full or empty - doesn't matter to me - time marches on - like it or lump it. "grab hold of today..." Oh how many times I feel I came up short on that one, but the beauty of this whole idea is that it doesn't matter now. What matters is today. Is the here and now. Granted that might be a tad conflicting with my Dream part of my resolution, but I can sort that one out later. Don't think it is as complicated as one might expect. 
"Grab hold of today..." What did you do today to grab hold of the moment? Did you contact a friend? Did you smile when you reeeaaallllyyy wanted to scream? Did you pause because that ladybug landed on your arm while you were basking in the sunshine poolside? (Yep, that'd be me.) Did you remember to put out the trash, pick up the mail, send the payment? Sometimes those things are important too. 
Where do you struggle? Where do you succeed? Have you thought about how you might straddle both worlds of the past and the future leaving you no choice but to 'mess all over today'? I do like how she gently says what you really did - squandered and shat upon today? 
I make no qualms about me struggling with BEing - it is and continues to be my biggest challenge and struggle for my personal growth. But if you know me - you know I don't back down from a challenge. I want to learn to BE in the moment. To BE present in today. To not worry about tomorrow. "Worry is the thief of joy." A quote I saw one day and immediately wrote it down. Six simple words, but poignant and true.
I am grateful for the pause that vacation affords me. The opportunity to truly be one with myself and seek strength from within. Sunshine helps tremendously. I can assure you of that. Oh yeah and a good book too. 
I truly wish I could commit to continued writing when I return from vacation. Who knows. Perhaps I will surprise myself. I won't worry about that now. What I will focus on is today. Is now. Is here. 

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Death, life and everything in between

First. We are not, I repeat not going to discuss the lapse of time in between my postings. I have no excuse. Reasons, yes. Excuse, no.
Let me start recent and back up a bit. It will make the title make far more sense.
My 24 year old cousin Erik was killed in a car accident on his way to work last week. Horrendous week for my family. And made me feel a million miles away from them. While Erik and I weren't exactly close, I do have some fond memories of him. Well mostly me babysitting him. He was a good, sweet kid always was. And will forever be in my heart.
His untimely death does make you stop and realize we are not guaranteed a single moment, a single hour, a single day.
Yesterday was the 5th anniversary of the passing of my Uncle Bert. He was like a dad to me and there are moments when I deeply miss him. From a tender age he molded me and shaped me. And yes it involves claustrophobia, a Datsun and going through underwater tunnels. And learning how to take a joke, get picked on and being loved fiercely. For now, just know that while a double rainbow was his sign during his fight with cancer, I always feel him with me when I see even the slightest bit of a rainbow. In fact, when I was driving with my daughter to Spokane a few weeks ago I swear I drove through the arc or arch of the rainbow 4 different times. I experienced these magical and mysterious moments along the passes of the Cascade Mountains.
Again, his death reminds us we are not guaranteed a single month, a single year.

My cat Rocky was very ill two weeks ago. It was looking as if he was going to need to be put down at the age of 7. I wasn't convinced or ready that it was his time to leave this earth. I fought for him - a 'stay of execution' if you will. I stopped to see him in the animal ER by myself. I looked at him and in my best stern mommy voice said "look dude you have to tell me what to do here." He looked at me with those big green eyes. I knew in my heart it truly was not his time to go. Call it 'mamma instincts'. I listened to the doctors and waited and hoped and prayed. I even brought the family to see him to see his response. There was a magical moment between him and my daughter that I knew he was going to be fine. He is my baby in every sense of the word. Well barring the truest form of baby-ness. His own mamma abandoned his litter when he was 3 weeks old. The babysitter brought what was left of his family to our house. I couldn't say no. I didn't have a chance to even try. Not when I saw that little black fuzz ball who truly fit in my small palm, mewing and shaking. I fed him with a dropper. Mixed his gruel for him. Made sure the kids didn't bug him. Kept the pissed off 8 year old cat away from him. I was his mamma and thankfully I still am. He is well. Still getting better. But the other day he did his signature roll on to his back and look so damn adorable you just want to go over and pet him. And true to form when I stuck my toes out to rub his back and belly he pounced on my flesh. Turd. But I love him.

Everything in between.
I am very proud to say that my New Year's Resolution is back on track. Or well at least the ship is upright. Run. Write. Dream. BE. Run is back! After I got my 'matching feet' back, I eased into running again with the goal of still racing in the North Olympic Discovery 1/2 Marathon. Nearly 7 weeks after I started back to running I am proud to say I crossed the finish line. While I truly expected it to be an emotional moment for me filled with happy tears and yelps of joy, my stupid IT Band tightened up and made me just grateful to get across that line. However, there is that inner sense of pride that no one nor any thing can take ever away. I started, ran and finished. I did it. On my terms. In my own unique Heather way. (Hmmm that sounds like a blog entry unto itself - the unique Heather way... stay tuned.)

I watched my kids continue to strive and thrive and kick some butt in the water. They are my inspiration. When my day or my run gets tough - I think of them. They never give up. It isn't in their vocabulary nor mine. I have two pretty terrific kids. How is still a mystery. But sometimes you just don't question it and you go on.

I say that the ship is righted in terms of my resolution, but it is in no way back on course. The Write is up to me. And I take full responsibility. I am working to gain better control of my life to write more. I do Dream - so don't you worry your pretty little head about that. The BE part - while still not my strong point I continue to work at it. Some days BE is as basic as pausing in the moment and feel that sunshine a little longer on my skin. Obviously I'm back to the Run part. And I speak not only for myself, but my whole family when I say that is a very good thing.

Run. Write. Dream. BE. Take 2... (to be continued.)

Saturday, April 21, 2012


Eek! Has it really been nearly two months since I've written anything? Ah well, just like a good new year's resolution to go out the door by March. Ha! I'm sure it had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that my stress fracture sent me off-kilter.
I'm back! I've run a couple times in the past week. I feel good. Slow and easy. Someone asked me what did I learn in my time of not running. What did I learn?
  1. I learned I'm still a terrible patient.
  2. I hate to be inactive.
  3. Others hate me being inactive.
  4. I am not a good family member when inactive.
  5. Friends thought I should be "put down" because seeing me immobile was too much for them. It's just not the Heather they know.
  6. I learned to be humble.
  7. To accept help.
  8. That I'm still stubborn as hell.
  9. Yes. Still stubborn. Because I refused to ask for help.
  10. Am more determined than I realized.
  11. And I've always given myself credit for determination.
  12. That I am not sure that ever appreciated a person with physical limiations' perspective.
  13. Doors are heavy.
  14. They never swing the way you need them.
  15. While the handicapped parking might be closest to the entrance. The handicapped restroom stall is the furthest.
  16. There is no escaping rain or snow when you are on crutches.
  17. Backpacks and shopping bags are tremendously handy tools.
  18. Backpacks can get heavy in an instant.
  19. It's tough to be coordinated on crutches.
  20. I was terrified I'd break the other ankle.
  21. That I can rock out a single heel, on crutches, in a business suit.
  22. People feel comfortable enough to share their ankle, crutches or leg injury stories.
  23. People remembered my other ankle injury.
  24. That I graciously accepted all the nicknames.
  25. That my kids aren't quite as helpful as I thought they were.
  26. That no one likes it when mom is out of commission.
  27. That they were thrilled when I had to travel for 3 days for work.
  28. That they love me.
  29. That while I'm determined and stubborn, I still let stress control my actions, life, well being.
  30. That I'm a runner.
  31. And I desperately missed it.
  32. Missed the freedom.
  33. How to beat the train ladies to the elevator.
  34. Especially the ones who didn't require an elevator when there were stairs.
  35. The lady that wore the Sketchers 'shape-up' shoes was the one who made me the most angry.
  36. That while I'm stubborn, determined, grateful, I'm not patient.
  37. I'm sure there is more that I haven't realized I learned.
  38. It will be those quiet moments on the trail that I will experience the 'aha!' moments.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

The little things

The other day was seemingly the same mundane commute home on the train. Since I was still in my boot and on crutches I had to take the elevator. I stepped into the elevator. Then I saw some commotion and watched a few people swipe cards on the card reader. I heard "75 cents, oh 25 cents, what did you have?" as I held the elevator door open. Next thing I knew three people crowd in with me. And when I say crowd in, I mean crowd. Completely violating the standard Seattle elevator space tolerance. They were right up against me in a very large elevator.

There was something immediately distinct with the trio. They were not standard commuters. The little older gray haired woman smiled a somewhat toothless smile. The skinny young man was very talkative. And the older gentleman was pushing a small cart/suitcase type thing. Before the door shut the older man said to me, "what did you do?" as he looked at my crutches and boot. I said, "a stress fracture." He grimaced, "oh a break, huh?" Immediately, the skinny young man gasped and said "oh my goodness! Did I step on you and break your foot?" I chuckled, that nervous laugh. (What in the world?) Okay. Assessment. The older man had some sense. The younger one, not working with a full deck. Okay. I could handle this. The older woman turned to me grinning her nearly toothless grin. "What did you do, honey?" I repeated it again. "Oh my, what's that?" Now mind you, the elevator goes down one level. That's it. Within 25 seconds I have this family nearly crushing me. Trying to understand me. I believed that if the woman could have petted me, she would have. Within another 25 seconds, we exited the elevator (thankfully.)  I asked them if they were taking the Sounder. "Yes," said the young man, "it's my treat. We've never been on a train before and we are going to Everett."  I explained that the train on the right is the one to Everett. Secretly relieved they weren't going to Tacoma. I was not in a very friendly or cordial mood.

Again the woman asked me, "what did you do honey? Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness." I tell her again, "stress fracture." She smiled that grin and again almost pawed at me. I slowly moved with my crutches as I watched the two men start to move ahead. She tried to stay with me but knew she needed to catch up with the other two. I released her by saying, "go on ahead and have a great trip!" I smiled as much as I could to reassure her I was okay. She rejoined her family as I continued to make my way to my train.

It was then I saw it. Their sheer wonder and delight at the size of the train and at the height of the train engine. Trying to explore and absorb every single detail of this monstrosity of a machine. I smiled a smile that came from deep down of bottom of my toes and up through my body. It warmed my heart and softened that hardness that had been consuming me for weeks now.

The little things. They saw wonder and joy of my daily commute vehicle. They experienced awe and excitement of my somewhat mundane method of transportation. How much in life do I take for granted? How many experiences do I not look at through the eyes of wonder and amazement. I realize I can't possibly do that for everything. But I think perhaps the more important lesson here is to understand that we are not all the same. We see differently. We love differently. We laugh differently. But we see. We love. And we laugh. It is within our differences that wonder, joy, amazement, awe and beauty are discovered. When my heart warmed and shell softened, I saw life in its simplest form. I saw love of a family. I saw kindness of strangers. I saw joy shared. I saw that my temporary hassle of crutches is nothing. That I need to look beyond the inconvenience and enjoy life. For I never know when that wondrous discovery might happen for me.

Post-script. As I sat down in my seat, I felt a sense of panic. Oh no! What if they were planning to come back to Seattle tonight?! They can't. There is no return train in the evenings. It was then that I placed them into the hands of fate. Someone kind will help them. Of that I was sure.  I may never see them again. But I do know that the lesson I learned that day will never leave me.

Monday, February 20, 2012

And the verdict is...

A stress fracture. What was beneath my skin was a stress fracture. Ask a question and you damn well better be prepared for the answer. The answer. 4 weeks in an air cast that makes me look more like a reject Storm Trooper than an ailing Runner. Ah well. Such is life.

The strange part. I've made peace (as much as I can) with the idea of not running for a while. What is frustrating and exhausting is the inability to use my hands for much. Take for instance opening doors. I have to juggle the crutches into one hand and hopefully push with the other. That is if I can get my angle just right. I'm currently learning the limitations of what it means to try to push a door open and put my hip into it as well. Graceful I'm not. I've never claimed to be, but damn. This is clumsiness to the nth degree.

What have I learned thus far?

  1. I can reallocate my running time into my writing time. 
  2. That the thought of swimming seems 10 times more hassle than running even though both require I leave my home and return to get a shower.  
  3. To be creative with my daily work tasks like washing my cups and such. 
  4. To stop being ashamed at the clunking my waterbottle makes as I hobble over to the sink. 
  5. That friends encourage, acquaintances care and strangers extend their hearts in a myriad of ways. 
  6. To be humble as I slink over to Mike's cube to ask him to help me with my morning cup of coffee. As a friend said today, "you learn to figure out what's really important." And you better believe it that my morning cup of coffee (or tea) is on that list.  
  7. My kids aren't nearly as independent as I had hoped at this point. (Is it too much to ask them to wash the dishes, too?)  
  8. That folding laundry while sitting on my bed isn't as bad as I thought it might be. 
  9. I'm a lunatic when it comes to running. The bug has bit me hard and it won't let go. I will be out on the race course again. 
  10. To be grateful for the smallest, kindest acts. Such as today. I was struggling down the stairs and a very kind co-worker (whom I never met before) not only held the door for me, he patiently waited till I got myself rearranged after going down three stairs. 
  11. I work in a damn big building, that the elevators are an eternity away and the bathrooms even further.
  12. That I (when on two feet) am normally a speed demon - racing from this meeting to that or this printer to that ice machine. 
  13. That being patient with myself is a real challenge. Perhaps the most difficult lesson. I am not patient. I am not kind to myself. I am not satisfied with supposed failure. 
  14. I truly truly truly rely on running as a stress relief and that I'm at a total loss to find a substitute while I'm motoring around on one foot. 
  15. I'm stronger (physically) than I realized. For which I am tremendously grateful. I can't imagine trying to get around on crutches without some semblance of upper body strength (thank goodness I did push ups!)  
  16. That while I think I can do this all on my own - I really can't. 
  17. I'm blessed with people who love me, who care for and about me, who want the best for me, who aren't afraid to throw that mirror in my face and say take it easy, who help me find that stress relief no matter how small or seemingly impossible. 
  18. I still have goals, that it isn't the end of the world and that when under extreme pressure, I can adjust. Never accept. Adjust. 

I've learned a lot. And I will continue to do so. While Run. Write. Dream. BE. isn't necessarily translating the way I envisioned. I believe wholeheartedly that it is translating. Perhaps Run is not physical. Perhaps Write is not viewable. Perhaps Dream is not mental. Perhaps BE is not what I understand. Perhaps. Just perhaps. There is some scrambling that needs to occur. Run becomes mental. Write becomes understandable, and so on and so forth. Regardless, I'm growing. And well, isn't that the whole point of a New Year's Resolution?

Sunday, February 12, 2012

What lies beneath...

I am sitting here. Yet again. With ice on my ankle. No. Not because I love to torture myself with freezing my ankle continuously. I have no idea what I did to my ankle. I don't even have a great juicy story to describe or justify why I'm in this stupid boot and stationary with ice.
Can you tell I'm frustrated? Can you tell I'm fed up? Can you tell the novelty of wearing this damn boot has worn off?
I miss running. I miss it desperately. I miss walking up the stairs to the 9th floor at work. I miss being able to run down the hall to grab something from the kitchen. I miss walking outside for any distance.
I'm struggling at the moment. I know there are many who have life far far worse than I . But. Yet. This is my reality at the moment. I rely so heavily on running as my outlet for stress relief and for an avenue to better health. Now I'm stuck. Damn near literally. What can I do? What should I do? I can't bike or walk on a treadmill or do yoga or really anything that requires legs and feet. Not until I know what is wrong with my ankle. I have an MRI on Tuesday. But that feels like eons away. I swam laps once. And while it's a feasible solution since I have something that prevents me from kicking, it's not as freeing and as dare I say beautiful as running. Maybe that is what I miss the most. The freedom. The push. The drive. The discipline. The fluid movements of placing a foot in front of you to push off and put the next one down. The rhythm.
What lies beneath.
I was looking at my ankle last night fascinated. Fascinated by the layer of skin on my body. The layer of skin that keeps all my guts and organs inside of me. The layer of skin that hides the problems, the issues, the diseases, the healing that a part of my body is undergoing. Why? Why is it that we can't see what is beneath our skin easily? Would we worry more? Would we worry less? Would we no longer be human? Does skin protect us from our own sense of self? Obviously, I don't have an answer.
I'm frustrated and bored and tired and edgy and grumpy. Some days it takes every single grain of my will to not scream at a complete stranger. I have begun to ask myself what am I missing? What should I be doing in this time instead? I don't rightly know. Well okay, that's not really true. I know I can read and write and dream and BE more. But honestly some days I don't have the energy to be anything other than a slug. Is that bad? Is that how I cope?
I don't know what is wrong with my ankle. I fear that the MRI will tell me nothing. I'm allowed to fear, right? As long as it doesn't consume me. I can't say I'm flawless - I do let fear consume me. It's just who I am. I try and BE and not worry. But it is damn hard and not intuitive. I know that everything happens for a reason. And some can find grace in transition. I, unfortunately cannot. It's the way I'm wired. It's the way life has come and gone at me, for me, with me.
I don't know if writing this has helped at all. Maybe. I did find some honesty in my words. Some discoveries. Like the fact that I enjoy the freedom that running affords me. That I depend on running for stress relief.
What lies beneath... I should learn this week. What lies within... I'm finding out each day.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Rock Chick

After reading Rock Chicks and Just Kids I realize that I am - at the very heart of me - a Rock Chick. Although I can't sing a tune or play an instrument, I feel very similar to the women who have been and are still in Rock and Roll.

I am not a part of the mainstream. My behavior could be construed as backwards. I make no pretenses about how deeply my music love affair is tied squarely with Rock and Roll. Hard rock. The louder the better. I am not one for the masses. I am different. I cherish, relish and honor that difference.

I know the awkwardness that Janice Joplin and Joan Jett felt. Each trying hard to be herself and fit in - eventually something was going to give. The wanting to do more and be more than society was allowing or telling them to be. As I said, I can't play an instrument or sing a tune in a bucket. And yet, I feel an affinity with these women. A bond. A sense of sisterhood. I cannot imagine the work and obstacles they had to endure to be who they were/are. While my life is no where near that stressful and intense there are aspects that resemble their struggles.

Some days I wonder if I'm in the right field of work. Am I where I'm supposed to be? How can I break into the one world I know and love so much? I don't want to be a DJ. I can't sing or play in a band. And an agent is out of the question. How can I be a part of Rock and Roll without those options? What is left? I don't know. I'm searching. Historian. Perhaps. Author. Oh what I wouldn't give... And maybe that is it. That is how I become part of Rock and Roll. Just write about it. Be a part of it through words, thoughts, ideas. Why not?  Little by little I can work toward that goal. Little by little I can do the research, the listening, the reading - whatever it takes to gain knowledge and ideas.

This epiphany of sorts is refreshing and more accurately- right. I am on the path to understand who I am. Yes, it took some time. My growth and understanding are due in no small part to the fact that I live in a city where my soul thrives.  Seattle is truly my home. Where I belong. In Seattle, I have become the woman I am meant to be. Nowadays the reflection in the mirror is unrecognizable. And it is incredible! She is not who I expect to look back. She is stronger and more enduring that I ever thought her to be.

2012 feels like the year. My resolution of Run. Write. Dream. BE. Is right. I'm ready to pursue, achieve and grow even further than I already have. I have the tools, the friends, the desire to push further, harder, more. Support and self-belief are the two most critical facets to succeed. Those and a great dictionary. Ha!

Obviously, you are reading this. You are reading my words and my thoughts. It is you that I ask to help keep me accountable for this resolution. It is from you that I request feedback.  For without an audience all I have is a diary. I want my writing to be more than a daily diary or journal. I want you to experience what I experience, know what I know and agree or disagree with my perspective. I think it appropriate  here and now to thank you for coming along on this road with me. It's gonna be a helluva ride!

Saturday, January 21, 2012

The Soundtrack of My Life.

One of the first few posts I did was based on the idea that if your life were a movie what would the soundtrack be.  The ironic thing is that I consider music to be a part of me, part of who I am, part of what I want to be. This installation is called The Soundtrack of My Life.  It is a chronological snapshot of the songs, artists and genres that have been a part of my life.

The Soundtrack of My Life.

Music.  The single word that defines me.  All my life, I have looked to music for inspiration, healing, comfort, joy, reflection.  I’m sure you are curious- what songs define me?  Heather Cleary.

Considering that I was born at the end of the Vietnam War, you can imagine there are three extremely different routes that I could choose.  First was Rock and Roll like Led Zeppelin, Rolling Stones, The Doors.  Then there was Folk music - Jim Croce, Harry Chapin, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell.  Finally there was Disco – Gloria Gayner, Donna Summer.  If I had to pick one genre in my formative years I would choose Folk Music.  Cats in the Cradle by Harry Chapin.  

Growing up in Pennsylvania and starting Catholic school in the late 70s introduced me to a slew of genres, artists, albums.  Dancing is the one hobby that never seems to tire with me.  Anything I could listen to that would have me dancing in my living room- I was there.  Shake It Up by The Cars- Always got me out in the living room, cutting a rug and having a blast.

In my pre-teen years, Dance/Pop music became more influential over my life.  My friend and I would listen incessantly to New Edition.  We would talk on our neon pink phones and gossip about this person or that.  But when it came down to brass tax, Ronny, Bobby, Ricky and Mike – well they were who would get me moving and having fun.

As I left Catholic school, I headed into the unfamiliar world of public High School.  Though I felt lost in my new surroundings, I discovered the one music genre that I am still most passionate about – Rock and Roll.  I hit high school at the peak of hair bands and Glam Rock.  Poison, KISS, Winger, Def Leppard, Aerosmith, Van Halen. 

There is one song from high school that even now continues to be one of my all time favorite songs.  It’s the one song that pushes me forward. Dreams by Van Halen. “Straight up we’ll climb, we’ll get higher and higher, oh that’s what dreams are made of.” 

I confess right here the next 8 or so years of my life, I became a rather boring music aficionado.  Van Halen ruled my life.  Every album. Every concert tour. Every singer.  Yes Dave and Sam.  But I preferred Sammy.  All things Van Halen were who I was. It got so bad in college that the guy living down the hall from me became a Van Halen fan because that was all he ever heard.   

In college, I left behind my small coal mining hometown.  I was 2 hours from home and allowed the freedom I strongly desired.  With it came another very influential Van Halen song- Right Now.  “What are ya waiting for?  Right Now.  Come on it’s everything.  Right Now.”  The video was even more so.  At each possible moment, a different occurrence that is happening right now would flash on the video.  Phrases like: Right now it is nicer outside.  Right now some soup would be nice.  Right now someone is work hard for a low wage.  Right now She’s Going on With Her Life.

In my final year of college, I met him.  I met the guy who rocked my world.  It was the summer of 1994.  Introduced by friends, the instant I met him, I knew.  There was a song we’d always listen to.  Heaven (Let Your Light Shine Down) by Collective Soul.  But instead of Heaven, Mark would sing Heather.    

I left college and headed into the work world.  Sarah McLachlan was now on the scene.  And though my rock roots ran deep, it was the female artists who influenced me in the mid 90s.  Sarah, Paula Cole and Alanis Morrisette.  They all had a different, yet strong message.  Paula Cole would maybe emerge as the front runner for who was the most influential to me.  Her Into the Fire album spoke to me about pushing ahead, depending on yourself.
In 1996, I married Mark on a cold, wet, rainy May day.  The song we were introduced to at our reception – Dreams by Van Halen.  Our first dance was In Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel.  Me being me- well I couldn’t just slow dance.  He twirled me around, spun me through his fingers, dipped me, all the stuff that makes dancing with another person fun. 

Three weeks after we got married in Pennsylvania we moved to Dallas, Texas.  Not much of a country fan, some how we came across this song that went something like “Heads Carolina, Tails California – I don’t care where we are going.  Up in the mountains, down to the ocean I don’t care as long as we get there.”  That became our mini-anthem.  He wanted a new job, and I was more than willing to leave my home town.  The move to Texas marked a new adventure in my life.

It was probably 2 months into our marriage when Mark came home from work.  “Heather,” he said “you need to sit down, we need to talk.” OH MY GOD!  What is it?  What is wrong?  I was thinking the worst. “Heather, Van Halen broke up.  They kicked Sammy out of the band.”  Oh my world crumbled.  Devastated.  I felt like I was a kid in a divorce.  Who do I pick?  Sammy Hagar or Eddie Van Halen?  Could I still like them both?  What to do? 

After about 3 years in Texas, it became apparent that Mark’s job was going nowhere.  Matchbox 20 had a song about “I want to wake up where you are.”  He was traveling 3-4 days a week.  He was frustrated and ready for a change.  That song spoke to both of us.  We picked up our stuff and moved to Dayton, Ohio

In the fall of 2000, I found out I was pregnant with our first child.  The mystery and the wonder of being pregnant can drive deep emotions and strong reactions.  The baby and I would listen to different kinds of music during my commute to work.  I would talk to the baby and feel it move.  No, I didn’t listen to the trendy classical music.  This kid and I, we listened to Rock and Roll. 

On a rainy early morning in May 2001, our first child, Nolan Joseph was born.  Later that morning, Mark played Dreams – it seemed fitting.  When Nolan turned 1, I found out I was pregnant again.  Bridget Lee was born on a snowy morning in January 2003.  I wanted to use music differently for her birth.  I found some new age music that helped me stay relaxed and focus on what I needed to do.  An artist named Hennie Baker, while not famous, to this day that album keeps me centered.

In early 2006, it became terribly apparent that Mark’s job had yet again hit a wall.  I encouraged him to find something new.  What song made me do it? Foo Fighters - Everlong. In late March, he was offered a position with Boeing in Seattle, WA.  We wanted our children to grow up with diversity and understanding and options.  Much to the chagrin of both sets of grandparents, we pulled up our stakes and headed west. The song that helped lead that move? U2’s Walk On.

I have now lived in Seattle for nearly 6 years. Bands have come and gone from my musical rotations. Deep down, I am definitely a Rock and Roll girl.  Who are the bands I listen to on my i-Pod?  Foo Fighters, Godsmack, Korn, Seether and a little know group out New Orleans called Cowboy Mouth. If it is loud, I’m there.  Music is such an integral part of my life.  It seems only appropriate that the Soundtrack of My Life landed me in Seattle – such an influential music city.  

Friday, January 20, 2012

Reason. Season. Lifetime.

There is a quote that says: “People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.  When you know what it is, you will know what to do for that person.”  I often think about this quote.   Each and every one of us impacts and are impacted by another human soul for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

I lived in a number of different places.  From different small towns to different cities, I have moved about 9 times in my life.  Not as many as some, but considering most of those moves occurred after I turned 21, well then it’s a lot.  Each time I moved I tried to look at the new environment and wonder about the people I am going to meet, the friends I’ll make, and the memories yet to be made. 

With each move I worked in different jobs for different companies.  One of my most memorable work moments occurred when I worked for Half Price Books in Dallas, Texas.  My main job was to buy books from the public.  People came in; I reviewed the stacks and made an offer.

One day a woman brought in about a hundred Science-Fiction paperback books.  I went about my normal routine of reviewing the books and I made my offer.  She accepted and as she turned to leave she started to cry.  I hopped around the counter and asked her if she was okay.  She said those books were from her brother’s collection.  He had recently passed away from cancer and she was cleaning out his belongings. 

Yes, of course my heart sunk.  However, I had one of those God-moments and I found the right words.  I told her that what she did might seem like she was giving her brother away or burying him once again.  What I needed for her to know was that someone else would pick up those books and enjoy them as much as her brother did.  That she wasn’t giving him away.  She was sharing a part of him with another person.  And that person would sustain her brother’s memory without them even knowing.  His ending was another person’s beginning.

My words seemed to help.  It was in that moment too, that I realized something as well.  I was there to be the conduit to continue the love of a book, a genre, or an author to the next person who walked in that door.  There were days when I thought I would gag if I saw another John Grisham book pass my buying counter.  After my encounter with that woman I realized that what I did was important and significant.  

I still well up with tears when I think about it.  Ten years later, it remains my favorite paid job I ever had.  We are put in places and moments to make a difference in someone’s life.  People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.  But think about the people into whose life you came.  Who did you know for a reason, who did you know for a season, and who will you know for a lifetime?  We don’t walk this earth and not make an impact somewhere at sometime.   

About 10 years later I came across a quote that completely validated my actions with that grieving woman on that fateful day. 
          "Every book, every volume you see has a soul. The soul of the person who wrote it and the soul of those who read it and lived and dreamed with it. Every time a book changes hands, every time someone runs his eyes down its pages, its spirit grows and strengthens."
           ~ Carlos Ruiz Zafron

I found this quote and never knew the author until now. Do you know how much I love his work? Carlos Ruiz Zafron is an eloquent author. His use of words and imagery are far superior than many. 

This discovery today leads me to another quote that has stuck with me. (Of course it is about books.)
          “Sometimes we don't pick the books we read- they pick us.”  It is a quote I picked up from the movie, The Hurricane.  

What are you reading today? What books have made an impact on your life? What author? What genre? Where do you go with books? Where do you hope to go? Where might you never expect to go, but once you are there - you are so very glad you went? Who has touched your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime? Is it me? Am I a reason, a season or a lifetime? I'm not expecting to be any one particular thing, just happy that I am in your life and you are in mine.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Writing Desk

My Little Corner of the World... and the 'Wall of Inspiration'


I can't believe it, but it has been almost a year since my Grandpa died. I wrote this eulogy in his honor. He was quite a character. When I wrote this eulogy - a number of times I tried to write it as 'he did this' or 'he was that'. It wasn't working for me. Instead I wrote it to him.

Grandpa, I am on my way back to my family home.  My return trip is to bury you my Grandpa, but more importantly to celebrate your life.  You passed away on Sunday, February 6th, 2011 at the age of 98.

You were a feisty Hungarian who had a way with words, both to invoke hilarity as well as to provide wisdom.  I got to be a part of your life for nearly 38 of those 98 years. Memories came flooding back when I heard your health was failing. When you were beginning that long yet brief journey from this life existence to the next my memories of you began to flourish.

As a young girl I enjoyed the times spent walking with you. I was forever trying to keep up with you and your dog Frisky.  “Slow down, Grandpa,” I would plead. You’d make some snide comment and keep going. Basically it was get left behind in the woods or continue on. 

The bacon roasts are by far and away the most vivid, most emotional memories of my entire childhood.  Each of us trying and vying to be that grandchild who would have the distinct privilege to ‘spin the bacon.’  Ah to be the chosen one – it was the highest honor in my young life.   Bacon spinner status was only rivaled by sharing that crispy piece you would cut from the slab.  Carefully you’d cut the section which would no longer produce grease and share it with not only the bacon spinner, but also a select group of others.

There were moments where your mischievous nature would come through.  For instance when you would be sitting behind all of us when we watched TV.  Randomly you smacked one of us upside the head – for no reason at all other than to get us charged up and whine “Grandpaaaaa…”  You looked around and laughed, “hee hee” you’d say.  I swear you ended nearly every sentence with hee hee. That impish behavior would come through when you were laughing, giggling, eyes always twinkling. I now know where I get it from and where Bridget gets it from. That twinkle in our eyes… it’s a genetic trait.

Perhaps the most curious of hobbies you had was the organ you owned and played.  While the record like discs would play a background music, you sat hunched over the organ trying to bring forth a song or melody.  The sheer number of kids and grandkids always provided a vast audience when you played. Yet, when you played you always seemed to be transported to a different world. It was as if you were playing Carnegie Hall instead of looking out at the neighbor’s house with a bunch of squirming children behind you.

Laboriously you wrote in your daily journal. Your mind amazed me and your sense of recall was second to none. Perhaps it was your journal that helped you keep your mind keen and sharp. I now keep a daily journal and understand why you did too.  At the end of the day, sometimes that journal is your only friend.  Someone safe to listen to you and to share with.  The journal was someone who didn’t judge, who was a constant and consistent friend. 

My memories of you as a coal miner are very brief and vague. But your loyalty to the trade was never-ending. You paced the floors in your house when the mines flooded or a small cave-in occurred.  Worrying, fretting, praying for the miners and their families. 

Every week you attended church. Never very flamboyant with your faith, yours was a quiet one. Your faith was in stark contrast to the rest of your loud and boisterous life.  Maybe that’s the only way your faith survived as long as it did. 

You could talk us all into exhaustion. Our fatigue was never from boredom. No! Never. It was the weariness of trying to process the subjects you were discussing. (Okay so mostly a monologue, but still.)  You had a slew of witty sayings.  Too many to mention.  Then there is the ever famous Martin Szekeresh word –‘Eebizer!’ No one, none of us really knows how to spell it, but we sure know how to say it. More importantly we understand what that single word invokes and means. Joy! Joy in its purest and simplest form. Grandpa, you were always full of it – of joy that is.  Even when your heart was breaking you still found joy. 

You remembered birthdays, deaths, anniversaries. And I mean everyone’s.  Growing up I watched brides (in-laws) getting pulled aside by you to hear the litany of the family birthdays. You could discuss them all. You kept that information on the kitchen calendar including the person’s age.
The wedding festivities were the highlight of all of us girls.  We watched and knew. One day you would be the conduit to officially kick off the Bridal Dance.  The girls in the family who were either direct or new in-laws, we all knew the tradition.  This rite of passage was honored and revered. Each girl felt eternally and infinitely loved when you started that dance.  In your younger days, you began the traditional polka dance by spinning that bride until she was dizzy and then leave, laughing of course. 

Your pride in the mother country was always a delight to watch and participate in, especially the Harvest Dances.  I went a few times with you and Grandma.  The pride you took in your family was evident when you introduced us to the different people at the dance. You went on to explain how they were either related to us or knew the family. 

I’ve heard stories that you were a tough, strict father. And while I can’t rightly comment on that, I can’t imagine that you weren’t.  One doesn’t go into the coal mines every day and not become a little more like the product he handles.  Tough, strong, difficult, unyielding but nurturing, supplying the basic needs for the family.  The years in the mines made you into an eventual diamond in the rough.  I suppose that is what it is.  The pressure from coal produces a diamond. Your pressure from hauling coal did the same.  I am one of the fortunate ones who knew the man who was the diamond.

You were a proud son, brother, husband, father, uncle.  As a child I watched you walking along the rows of cinder blocks in my parents’ house. Carefully you touched the blocks – as if to invoke the spirit of your brothers.  It was a time when you all worked together to lay a foundation.  It was a moment that the Szekeresh brothers were one on this earth.

You had in Grandma a true life partner.  75 years of marriage.  Many don’t live to be as old. And yet you were married for 75 years “and to the same woman” in your infinite wisdom.  From that marriage you produced 13 children.  Which in turn yielded so many of us - kids, grandkids, great grandkids, great-great grandkids.  The family resemblance is the one thing I can never tire of nor grasp.  I’ve liken the family get-togethers as a mirrored fun house.  Everywhere we look, we all resemble each other.  It’s a remarkable nod to the strength of family genes.  When total strangers recognize you as “a Szekeresh aren’t you?” one can’t help but pause. It didn’t always mean that they knew I belonged to you. They just knew my clan.  Our clan. Our pride. Who we are.  What we represent.  We are a hearty, strong, hard-working, mischievous bunch.  I am and have always been proud to be your granddaughter. I am and have always been proud to belong to the Szekeresh clan.  We all are.

“No matter how tall you grow, you will always look up to me.” Now Grandpa, I am. I’m looking up to heaven knowing that you’ve been reunited with Grandma and the rest of our clan.  Teresa, Bert, Joe, Michael, Bryce. All who died well before they ever should.  But you. You held on to life and lived it for every single moment of your 98 years.

I am so very fortunate to have had you in my life for almost 38 years.  Some people don’t even get to know their grandparents and with me being the first born of your youngest child, the odds were even further stacked against me.  But I knew you and you knew me.  My children even knew you.  My cousin’s children knew you.  Their kids knew you.  Longevity is a true gift.  My plane is near to landing in the snowy Mecca that you always called your home.  I am near to reuniting with my family, with the funhouse. I love you Grandpa. You will forever be in my heart, influencing, guiding and making me laugh when my daughter sleeps with her blanket over her head. Rest in peace.  Grandpa, See you in the funny papers.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Random Thoughts. January 2012 Edition.

  1. Happy
  2. Happy New
  3. Happy New Year
  4. Wanted to make sure you were paying attention.
  5. Now that I have your attention.
  6. It's 2012.
  7. What are you going to do to grow this year?
  8. Personal Growth.
  9. Something that stretches you.
  10. Makes you feel squirmy.
  11. Pushes you to take risks.
  12. Discover parts of you that you never knew existed.
  13. My Resolution.
  14. Run.
  15. Write.
  16. Dream.
  17. BE.
  18. Sounds simple.
  19. It's not.
  20. It's going to make me grow.
  21. It's going to make me change, perhaps.
  22. It's going to open my eyes.
  23. It's going to make me realize that I am stronger.
  24. Stronger than I give myself credit for.
  25. My growth might challenge me.
  26. My growth might challenge you.
  27. My growth might challenge us.
  28. My growth.
  29. It will not involve me stopping my Pandora app.
  30. Can't part with that. 
  31. Addicted.
  32. Speaking of.
  33. Addiction.
  34. Addicted to Dark Chocolate Acai berries.
  35. Yum.
  36. Massages.
  37. Yes. I said massages.
  38. Going to get more this year.
  39. It calls out how good or bad I'm treating my body.
  40. It's quiet.
  41. Right here.
  42. Right now.
  43. Oh yeah.
  44. Speaking of Right here Right now.
  45. So very very very glad.
  46. That I never got a Van Halen tattoo.
  47. I would be so humiliated.
  48. To look at that thing and listen to them.
  49. Ugh.
  50. What a bunch of old, washed up dudes.
  51. Why?
  52. Why oh why?
  53. Why oh why must they try to enter the Rock n Roll category?
  54. This might be a short one this time. 
  55. But that is okay.
  56. It's getting a lil late.
  57. Well not really.
  58. But my brain is starting to drift off.
  59. And well.
  60. You don't want to read any of that even more random than my random thoughts.
  61. Night.                                                                                                                                                       

Random Thoughts. October 2011 Edition.

Random Thoughts. October 2011 Edition.
  1. Hi.
  2. It’s been a while.
  3. Almost 10 months.
  4. Really?
  5. Really? Really?
  6. Yes.
  7. Sadly. Yes.
  8. What has happened in those 10 months?
  9. What has happened in those 10 months!
  10. Winter.
  11. Spring.
  12. Summer.
  13. Fall.
  14. How?
  15. How did it get to be October?
  16. How did I let this year slip away?
  17. But did it?
  18. Did it really?
  19. Or was I busy living it?
  20. Living this year?
  21. Struggling this year.
  22. Thriving this year.
  23. BEing this year.
  24. It’s been a tough one for my Resolution.
  25. Gasp!
  26. I have 3 months left to devise a new Resolution for next year.
  27. Though this one has been so tough.
  28. Do you remember what it is?
  29. I do.
  30. I look at it every day.
  31. Purposeful Growth v3.0: Learning to BE in the Moment.
  32. So tough.
  33. So difficult for me at times.
  34. I’m a worrier.
  35. I can be easily distracted.
  36. There are times when I feel like I’m developing ADD.
  37. Is that even possible?
  38. Maybe it is something else.
  39. Maybe it is the fear of facing what I really know.
  40. That I need to change.
  41. I need to make a change.
  42. Why is the fear consuming me?
  43. Why do I let it?
  44. Why can’t I just BE?
  45. Why do I have to make BEing a resolution?
  46. Why should I care or worry?
  47. In some ways, it is who I am.
  48. Some ways?
  49. Really?
  50. Really, Heather.
  51. Think.
  52. Think about it.
  53. Just BE.
  54. BE in the Moment.
  55. Feel the music.
  56. BE the air.
  57. Become the moment.
  58. Only live in that moment.
  59. This moment.
  60. Now.
  61. Here.
  62. Today.
  63. Perhaps.
  64. Perhaps I should not be so hard on myself.
  65. Perhaps I should embrace life instead of pushing it away.
  66. Instead of pushing against it.
  67. Instead of pushing.
  68. Come on now.
  69. Everything is fine.
  70. Life is good.
  71. Meeting new friends.
  72. Celebrating old friends.
  73. BEing as much in the Moment.
  74. The Music.
  75. The Quiet.
  76. The Warmth of my sweatshirt.
  77. The sound of a car passing by on wet pavement.
  78. Just BE.
  79. Just BE.
  80. “Live in Your Strength.”
  81. From a tea sachet.
  82. Funny how those things find you.
  83. Funny how you find those things.
  84. I am strong.
  85. I have strength.
  86. I have everything inside of me.
  87. I find it at the weirdest moments.
  88. I find it at the best moments.
  89. I find it when I was pretty sure I didn’t have it.
  90. Does anyone even read my stuff?
  91. Would anyone read my stuff?
  92. Is that my future?
  93. Is that my life?
  94. Is it a hobby?
  95. Is it a passion?
  96. Is it a talent?
  97. Almost done.
  98. Almost time for bed.
  99. Almost Monday morning.
  100. Ugh.
  101. Happy thoughts.
  102. Friendship.
  103. Dinner.
  104. Wine.
  105. Just BE.

If Your Life Was a Movie Soundtrack.

I first did this in March 2009 and then again in November 2009.
Wonder how much my musical tastes have changed in 2 years.

Do you Remember how it works... 
1. Open your music library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc) 
2. Put it on shuffle 
3. Press play 
4. For the first question, type the song that's playing 
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button TWICE 
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool...just type it in man! 
7. Tag 15 people, and they have to do it too :) 


Opening Credits: 
MARCH 2009: Just Like Starting Over (John Lennon) 
NOVEMBER 2009: Come Undone (Duran Duran) 
DECEMBER 2011: Smithereens (Annie Lennox)

Waking Up: 
MARCH 2009: Don't Give Up (Peter Gabriel) 
NOVEMBER 2009: Dream (Brad Mehldau - Midnight In the Garden of Good and Evil Soundtrack) 
DECEMBER 2011: Let's Stay Together (Al Green)

First Day at School: 
MARCH 2009: The Ladder (Paula Cole) 
NOVEMBER 2009: Skin Trade (Duran Duran) 
DECEMBER 2011: Laid So Low (Tears Roll Down) (Tears for Fears)

Falling in Love: 
MARCH 2009: Jesus Online (Bush) 
NOVEMBER 2009: Still Crazy After All These Years (Paul Simon) 
DECEMBER 2011: Dreams (Van Halen) - Holy Crap! This is freaky. This was the song we played when we entered our wedding reception. Weird.

Losing Virginity: 
MARCH 2009: English Fire (Bush) 
NOVEMBER 2009: The Diary of Jane (Breaking Benjamin) 
DECEMBER 2011: Get In Line (The Barenaked Ladies) - okay that's just funny!

Fight Song: 
MARCH 2009: A Change Would Do You Good (Sheryl Crow) 
NOVEMBER 2009: Is This Love (Bob Marley) 
DECEMBER 2011: You Got Lucky (Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers)

Breaking Up: 
MARCH 2009: The Disease of the Dancing Cats (Bush) - I swear I put this thing on shuffle 
NOVEMBER 2009: Life Your Life (T.I. w/ Rihanna) 
DECEMBER 2011: Red (Sammy Hagar)

MARCH 2009: If It Makes You Happy (Sheryl Crow) 
NOVEMBER 2009: Walk On (U2) 
DECEMBER 2011: Buffalo Soldier (Bob Marley & The Wailers)

MARCH 2009: Video Killed The Radio Star (The Presidents of The United States) 
NOVEMBER 2009: China (Cowboy Mouth) 
DECEMBER 2011: Narcissistic Cannibal (Korn feat. Skrillex & Kill the Noise)

Mental Breakdown: 
MARCH 2009: Black Boots (Paula Cole) 
NOVEMBER 2009: Lovers in a Dangerous Time (Barenaked Ladies) 
DECEMBER 2011: Altered States (Bush)

MARCH 2009: Stir It Up (Bob Marley & the Wailers) 
NOVEMBER 2009: Early Winter (Gwen Stefani) 
DECEMBER 2011: Meant To Live (Switchfoot)

MARCH 2009: Doll (Foo Fighters) 
NOVEMBER 2009: Statues (Foo Fighters) 
DECEMBER 2011: The Waiting (Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers)

Getting Back Together: 
MARCH 2009: Blurry (Puddle of Mud) 
NOVEMBER 2009: You Know My Name (Chris Cornell) 
DECEMBER 2011: Anytime (Brian McKnight)

MARCH 2009: One Tree Hill (U2) 
NOVEMBER 2009: Lost (Annie Lennox) 
DECEMBER 2011: Droplets (Colbie Calliat feat. Jason Reeves)

Birth of Child: 
MARCH 2009: Silver Inches (Enya) - Yes I actually do have something other than Rock on my I-pod 
NOVEMBER 2009: Only Time (Enya) 
DECEMBER 2011: Empire State of Mind (Jay-Z feat. Alicia Keys)

Final Battle: 
MARCH 2009: Overdrive (Foo Fighters) 
NOVEMBER 2009: Things Can Only Get Better (Howard Jones) 
DECEMBER 2011: There's Only One Way To Rock (Sammy Hagar) Uh Yeahh... Hellyeah!

End Credits: 
MARCH 2009: Hot! Hot! Hot! (The Cure) 
NOVEMBER 2009: California Bound (Carolina Liar) 
DECEMBER 2011: Sing (Annie Lennox)

MARCH 2009: Things Have Changed (Sammy Hagar & the Waboritas) 
NOVEMBER 2009: Steam Engenius (Foo Fighters) 
DECEMBER 2011: Mercy Street (Peter Gabriel)

MARCH 2009: A Better Man (Keb' Mo') 
NOVEMBER 2009: Money Can't Buy It (Annie Lennox)
DECEMBER 2011: Let Your Loss Be Your Lesson (Robert Plant & Allison Krauss)

Monday, January 2, 2012

Look out world. Another blogger has been born.

Well technically I was born a few decades ago, but I digress. I think what I'd like to do first is to post a bunch of my writing offerings. But hey. Who knows where this may lead.
Wish me luck!


I s'pose it might be wise to make sure I know how to run this gosh darn contraption.