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"Live life in such a way that every day when your feet hit the floor the devil says 'OH SHIT SHE'S UP!'"

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Remember Me?

Let's just head this off at the pass. Last year. 2012. My New Year's Resolution? Run. Write. Dream. Be. Well it didn't exactly work out the way I planned. And frankly I'm making no efforts to even proclaim I will write each week this year. But perhaps...

2012. What a year. Not exactly a stellar year for me. Let's just say I have (literally) at least 3 inches of paperwork at home that involves doctor's visits, x-rays, MRIs, prescriptions, you name it. I was not healthy. While in okay health. I was not healthy. Not physically and definitely not mentally. [disclaimer. If you don't know or don't want to know that I struggle with depression, now you do and now is your chance to escape. I'll even give you a 3 paragraph return to get out if you wish.]

Well here you are. Still with me. Anyway. If you didn't know, I'm sure it is a surprise. What? Heather who is always laughing and bubbly? No way. She doesn't have depression. Well I do. And I work everyday to be healthy. My depression is driven by my anxiety. If you've been around me 20 minutes or 20 years, you know. I can get extremely anxious. 

I don't really want to rehash all my health issues in 2012. Let's just say that almost every health issue was stress-related. I let it eat me and consume me. Even though I thought I was managing it. Clearly I was not. I needed a new start. A new chance. A new focus. I was granted that opportunity.

As some of you know, New Year's is my favorite holiday. The chance to create a new habit, remove an old habit, embrace the world in a different way. I rang in the New Year, keeping my up my 20+ year tradition. Ever since I was a senior in high school, I promised myself to celebrate New Year's in a different place every year. I've only failed twice. Not too bad for that stint. 
Now, on to 2013.

On January 1, 2013, I developed my New Year's Resolution. I call it C.H.E.R.U.B. (I know everyone thinks fat baby angels right away, but bear with me - I'm not a fat angels kind of girl.)
C.H.E.R.U.B. is an acronym. 

C - Connect. Connect to my body to discover what is broken (emotion, mental, etc.)
H - Heal. Heal what is broken. 
E - Energize. Staying positive during healing process. 
R - Reposition. Change what needs changed. Keep what needs to stay. 
U - Unique. I am a unique being. I must honor that, respect that and embrace that.
B - Believe. Believe in me - I have purpose. 

How am I doing? Well thank you, since you asked, I'm doing great! I found ways to meditate. I started Hot Yoga. As if sweating isn't cleansing enough, the hot yoga has helped me clean out the non-physical junk that I've let build up inside me. At the risk of sounding weird (I know who doesn't think I'm weird already) I had a very pivotal moment during hot yoga. We had a specific breathing exercise we were doing, called Breath of Fire. One day, in my mind's eye, I saw me exhaling a whole bunch of junk out of my system. Layers of darkness and buildup. It was exciting and frightening all in the same moment. Exciting because - wow, look at everything I'm getting rid of. And frightening because - wow, look at everything I'm getting rid of. With my eyes continuing to remain closed, I could see some stuff try to scurry back in, hide and stay inside. Over the past few weeks, I truly feel like I continue to hunt down that crap and expel it from my body.  

So why publish all this? Because I believe that perhaps someone reading this may be letting stress eat them alive as well. I'm here to encourage and support you in your efforts to get healthy. Mental issues are often overlooked or frowned upon - 'just snap out of it' - you know if I could 'just' I would've 'justed' a long time ago. The above is for me to keep me accountable. But perhaps you can take from it and apply it to your own life, your own well-being. Make 2013 a healthy year!

Till next time..  (hopefully not 5 months from now...)

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