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"Live life in such a way that every day when your feet hit the floor the devil says 'OH SHIT SHE'S UP!'"

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Death, life and everything in between

First. We are not, I repeat not going to discuss the lapse of time in between my postings. I have no excuse. Reasons, yes. Excuse, no.
Let me start recent and back up a bit. It will make the title make far more sense.
My 24 year old cousin Erik was killed in a car accident on his way to work last week. Horrendous week for my family. And made me feel a million miles away from them. While Erik and I weren't exactly close, I do have some fond memories of him. Well mostly me babysitting him. He was a good, sweet kid always was. And will forever be in my heart.
His untimely death does make you stop and realize we are not guaranteed a single moment, a single hour, a single day.
Yesterday was the 5th anniversary of the passing of my Uncle Bert. He was like a dad to me and there are moments when I deeply miss him. From a tender age he molded me and shaped me. And yes it involves claustrophobia, a Datsun and going through underwater tunnels. And learning how to take a joke, get picked on and being loved fiercely. For now, just know that while a double rainbow was his sign during his fight with cancer, I always feel him with me when I see even the slightest bit of a rainbow. In fact, when I was driving with my daughter to Spokane a few weeks ago I swear I drove through the arc or arch of the rainbow 4 different times. I experienced these magical and mysterious moments along the passes of the Cascade Mountains.
Again, his death reminds us we are not guaranteed a single month, a single year.

My cat Rocky was very ill two weeks ago. It was looking as if he was going to need to be put down at the age of 7. I wasn't convinced or ready that it was his time to leave this earth. I fought for him - a 'stay of execution' if you will. I stopped to see him in the animal ER by myself. I looked at him and in my best stern mommy voice said "look dude you have to tell me what to do here." He looked at me with those big green eyes. I knew in my heart it truly was not his time to go. Call it 'mamma instincts'. I listened to the doctors and waited and hoped and prayed. I even brought the family to see him to see his response. There was a magical moment between him and my daughter that I knew he was going to be fine. He is my baby in every sense of the word. Well barring the truest form of baby-ness. His own mamma abandoned his litter when he was 3 weeks old. The babysitter brought what was left of his family to our house. I couldn't say no. I didn't have a chance to even try. Not when I saw that little black fuzz ball who truly fit in my small palm, mewing and shaking. I fed him with a dropper. Mixed his gruel for him. Made sure the kids didn't bug him. Kept the pissed off 8 year old cat away from him. I was his mamma and thankfully I still am. He is well. Still getting better. But the other day he did his signature roll on to his back and look so damn adorable you just want to go over and pet him. And true to form when I stuck my toes out to rub his back and belly he pounced on my flesh. Turd. But I love him.

Everything in between.
I am very proud to say that my New Year's Resolution is back on track. Or well at least the ship is upright. Run. Write. Dream. BE. Run is back! After I got my 'matching feet' back, I eased into running again with the goal of still racing in the North Olympic Discovery 1/2 Marathon. Nearly 7 weeks after I started back to running I am proud to say I crossed the finish line. While I truly expected it to be an emotional moment for me filled with happy tears and yelps of joy, my stupid IT Band tightened up and made me just grateful to get across that line. However, there is that inner sense of pride that no one nor any thing can take ever away. I started, ran and finished. I did it. On my terms. In my own unique Heather way. (Hmmm that sounds like a blog entry unto itself - the unique Heather way... stay tuned.)

I watched my kids continue to strive and thrive and kick some butt in the water. They are my inspiration. When my day or my run gets tough - I think of them. They never give up. It isn't in their vocabulary nor mine. I have two pretty terrific kids. How is still a mystery. But sometimes you just don't question it and you go on.

I say that the ship is righted in terms of my resolution, but it is in no way back on course. The Write is up to me. And I take full responsibility. I am working to gain better control of my life to write more. I do Dream - so don't you worry your pretty little head about that. The BE part - while still not my strong point I continue to work at it. Some days BE is as basic as pausing in the moment and feel that sunshine a little longer on my skin. Obviously I'm back to the Run part. And I speak not only for myself, but my whole family when I say that is a very good thing.

Run. Write. Dream. BE. Take 2... (to be continued.)

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